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The Magazine of The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America

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April 1, 2010

An appointment with Dr. Yahoo

©istockphoto.com/nodmitry
I get the "Spring into life" focus but I think some people should refer to it as "spring cleaning." You know the promises of the swimming suit, reunions and wedding commercials — all of those things are coming up this summer and we have to get ready now.

Like three months are going to make a difference!

Myths dispelled

I have read with amusement some of the confessional postings about gaining weight and getting into tight jeans. Either a) leave them on so you know something is going on or b) figure out a way to use a trampoline, hanger and harness to jump into them.

In a recent conversation I had with Dr. Yahoo, I was surprised to learn about some of the myths we live with. Dr. Yahoo informed me that:

1) Exercise is not good. Your heart is good for only so many beats ... take naps.

2) Alcohol is good. Wine and beer are made from fruits and grains.

3) Chocolate is good. It is from the cocoa bean, another vegetable.

4) Swimming doesn't help. Have you ever seen a skinny whale?

5) Sit ups don't prevent a soft middle. Exercise makes muscle which makes your stomach bigger.

I confess that Dr. Yahoo won't be included in any future health program (or current ones) and you won't find any of these tips on the ELCA Board of Pensions or Mayo Clinic website — but you will find answers to everything else.

Now for my confession. I went to dinner with my daughter the other night and she paid. My pants were too tight to get my hands in the pockets.

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