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The Magazine of The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America

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Lutherans are OK

From The Chetek [Wis.] Alert, regarding a call received in the Barron County Sheriff’s Department: “Caller advised he just drove by Kirkwood’s Market and saw about four people in a van wearing black masks over their faces. Officer advised everything is OK; these are people from the Lutheran church.”

Renny Kidder
Mounds View, Minn.

Have we scheduled a blessing of the
“Have we scheduled a blessing of the animals, Ms. Sims?”
(Editor’s note: Those in the car were “flamingo bandits” involved in a Chetek Lutheran Church youth fundraiser in which members buy insurance to protect their yards from unwanted plastic flamingos or pay to have them removed.)

Our son, Liam, received some superhero action figures for his 4th birthday, including Batman, Superman and Superman’s archrival Lex Luthor. He was excited to play with Batman and Superman, but obviously wasn’t familiar with Superman’s nemesis because he referred to him as “Lex Lutheran.”

Heather Anders
Jackson, Wis.

Quip this

While bringing communion to a member at a residential care facility, I was greeted by one of the nursing staff who recognized me as the pastor of the congregation where she’d recently brought some residents to worship. She remarked, “Pastor, you look much different in your clothes!”

David D. Olson
Sandpoint, Idaho

The finance committee assumed that
The finance committee assumed that the congregation supported the six-month stewardship campaign until it was time to collect the pledge cards.
The pastor of First Lutheran Church, Decorah, Iowa, was having difficulty with his lapel microphone. He tapped it, blew into it, checked the switch—all with no success. He walked over to use the lectern microphone and announced, “There’s something wrong with my mike.” On cue, a half-dozen choir members responded, “And also with you.”

Jim Limburg
New Brighton, Minn.

We do rectangles

I was delivering my then 4-year-old granddaughter, Rachel, to Sunday school when she told me she forgot her offering. I began gathering the loose change from the van’s cup holder, but she said, “We don’t do the round things. We do the rectangles.” Needless to say, I got out my wallet.

Doris Herceg
Saxonburg, Pa.

In the Northeastern Ohio Synod office where I assist the accountant, we chuckled about a letter we received from a congregational treasurer who requested a $250 refund on an overpayment by the previous treasurer: “I am sorry for any incontinence I have caused.”

Charlene Saurman
Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio


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