The Magazine of The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America


At the communion rail

As I approached a member to serve him communion, his cell phone rang with the “William Tell Overture.” He embarrassingly and candidly remarked, “Oh, Jesus.” I responded, “If it is, you’d better answer it.”

Christopher M. Miller
Loganville, Wis.

When my daughter Zoë, 3, saw me in a chasuble for the first time as I served communion, she gave it a tug, smiled and announced in a voice that carried to the rear of the nave, “I like your dress, Dad!”

Paul D. Krampitz
Coventry, R.I.

Would you be opposed to chilling the
“Would you be opposed to chilling the wine first?”
Holy transactions

As we prepared for a noontime Bible study, several staff members of Holy Trinity Lutheran Church, Ankeny, Iowa, stood at the office associate’s desk discussing what kind of sandwiches to order for lunch. The telephone rang and the office associate answered, “Good afternoon, Holy Sandwiches.” The surprised voice on the other end responded, “I’ll take two!” Ironically, it was our office associate’s last week before leaving to become a full-time caterer.

Patti Webb
Ankeny, Iowa

I was on the telephone with a church clothing and supplies company to purchase a gift certificate for our newly ordained pastor. The agent asked, “What denomination?” I responded, “One hundred dollars, please.” She chuckled and said, “No, I meant what denomination is your church?”

Herman Mensing
Hillsdale, N.J.

I often commit the sin of pride, Pastor.
“I often commit the sin of pride, Pastor. Iimagine myself being Googled.”
By mistake I received someone else’s e-mail from our synod office that said: “We’re going to use Calvary for the misconduct workshop, so we won’t be needing to use Christ ....” Calvary for a workshop on misconduct and Christ need not be present. Go figure.

Dave Haven
East Wenatchee, Wash.

When I went to the bank to pick up our Concordia Lutheran Church deposit bags, I discovered they’d been taken to a different branch. The teller called ahead to make sure they were there and alerted the staff I was on my way. When I arrived in the lobby and identified myself, my presence was met with smiles and chuckles. A teller explained, “We just received a phone call that the pastor from Accordion Lithium Church was on his way over.” I replied, “Well, we try to lift peoples’ spirits but not by that method.”

Paul D. Luisi
Watertown, N.Y.

I asked one of our confirmation students how to find a certain book of the Bible. Her response? “Mr. West, that’s easy. Just Google it.”

Bill West
Fairborn, Ohio


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