Talk about the calm before the storm. Or is it the calm between the storms? The tumultuous 20s are subsiding, and the midlife angst of the 40s won't be brewing for another few years. That leaves people in their 30s with some time to start settling into life — enjoying a career, contemplating a purpose, understanding who they are.

But questions still exist — and religion often tops the list.

Having left the church during part or all of their 20s, most people age 30 to 39 are now wondering what's important: Finding fellowship with people my age? Introducing my children to the church? Renewing my spirit elsewhere?

It's a contradictory decade of both comfort and change. At least, that's what 100 Lutherans in their 30s seemed to project through their answers about reasons for attendance (or lack thereof), the concept of spirituality, the significance of worship and other ideas relating to faith. These answers to the 10 questions I asked provide a small window — most definitely stained glass, what with the endless shades of thought — into their age group's search for a spiritual home.

• "I haven't really focused on the church part of my life until recently. I've always felt I have a relationship with God, but now I'd love to deepen that" (single woman, 35, from an Atlanta suburb).

• "I have been a member of my church all my life. I wish it had more people my age, but I feel comfortable with the congregation" (married man, 33, with two young children, from a Midwest city).

• "I felt out of place at church because most people were older, and those my age had spouses and children, so I stopped attending. But I have a strong faith, so I haven't felt the need to go back" (divorced woman, 37, from a New Hampshire town).

To find the 100 respondents, I asked the following people to forward the questions to Lutheran lay people in their 30s who either do or do not currently attend church — or to answer themselves if they fit the criteria: 100 ELCA pastors (two were chosen from each state; one in a large city and the other in a suburb or small town); administrators in seven geographically diverse ELCA synods (who sent the survey to pastors as part of regular electronic communications such as e-mail newsletters or discussion groups); the Mobile Lutheran Network (a national e-mail discussion list of Lutheran young adults); and 50 friends and family members. (See page 26 for statistical information about the survey.)

This diverse, sandwiched generation of thirtysomethings, variously labeled Young Baby Boomers, Baby Busters and Older Gen Xers or just Gen Xers, among other names, is divided in the ways it follows previous groups' trends and creates its own. People who are now in their 30s left church in their 20s, as did 82 percent of our respondents, for anywhere from two years to more than 10. This continues the pattern of the boomers, the first generation to make a break from social institutions when departing for college.

They also started worshiping again in their late 20s and early 30s: 97 percent of respondents regularly attend church, compared with the national average for their age group of about 60 percent to 70 percent, according to Barna Research Group, 2002, and the 2000 General Social Survey. Their worship attendance follows a previous model.

The top four reasons people in our census returned to church are the same nationwide and have been for about two decades: They begin to question their beliefs, settle in a community, get married or have kids.

"In response to profound questions of belief, and after finally getting around to finding where the local Lutheran church is after moving, for example, people tend to go back," says Tom Smith, director of the GSS at the National Opinion Research Center in Chicago. "When they get married — the average age for women is 25 to 26, for men, 27 to 28 — and even more important, when they have kids, a significant proportion of the group re-establish ties."

It's Smith's first explanation — response to profound questions of belief — where thirtysomethings can forge their path to spiritual fulfillment. Their questions are different than other generations' were at this stage in life for many reasons: indifference reinforced by parents who didn't go to church, frustration at the continued breakdown of institutions such as marriage and family, proximity to a range of religions and therefore more difficulty in determining the truth, and an increase in the pull among responsibilities of family, career, citizenship — and countless others.

As one way of understanding what people now believe, we asked: "What does 'spirituality' mean to you?" Some had a difficult time putting their thoughts into words, some put their thoughts in the same words (10 people said "a connection with God") and others articulated deep thought:

• "Constantly learning how to better understand the interconnectedness of all life, bonded by an incomprehensible force that we've labeled God" (married man, 35, with one child, from a Midwest suburb).

• "It's something totally personal that can't be defined. For me, reciting a liturgy and listening to sermons does make me reflect, but I think spirituality is simply a way to live my life, respect others and myself, and be a good person" (married woman, 31, from the West Coast, living in a city in Spain).

A few survey-takers noted that they find the often used phrase "spiritual but not religious" hard to reconcile. Smith has seen evidence of this fairly new contradiction in his results. "Overwhelmingly, 'spiritual' and 'religious' do go together," he says. "However, 20 percent of the population — a minority, but not a tiny group — say they're spiritual but not religious. They tend to be younger, under 45. And they have high levels of beliefs but low levels in church attendance."

Going to church, in fact, fulfills the spiritual needs of only one-third of the people who answered our survey. And almost one-half said sitting in a pew on Sunday morning helps, but it's not enough. They also need to go to Bible studies, serve, talk with other believers, do Taize worship, sail, hike — just be outside — and a host of other supplemental activities.

When they do go, the reasons they attend are just as diverse — falling into about 24 categories from "music" and "tradition" to "it completes my life" (and a few "it makes my mother happy"). But the replies "for fellowship/community" and "for spiritual renewal" beat out "to worship/receive sacraments" and "to study the Bible" almost three to one.

David Roozen, director of the Hartford [Conn.] Institute for Religion Research, attributes the prevalence of experiential responses to the "word to spirit" change, what he calls the most "profound and foundational" religious trend in the United States today. "Commentators talk about the change over the past 30 years from God as judge to Jesus as friend," he says. " 'Word to spirit' is the shift from an emphasis on belief or doctrine to more of an expressive one, a personal relationship with God, and fellowship is part of that."

People under 40 also are looking for the real deal, says Nathan Frambach, assistant professor of youth, culture and mission at Wartburg Seminary, Dubuque, Iowa, and an author of Across the Generations: Incorporating All Ages in Ministry: The Why and How (Augsburg Fortress, 2001). "They want to get behind the facade," he says. "They're looking for churches and people to show their unvarnished selves, to invite them in to be who they really are. They're looking for people who will wade into the muckiness of life as well as celebrate the joys."

Indeed, people we talked to want the church to be a relevant part of their lives but say they don't want to belong to congregations that exist for themselves only. And they profess that being part of a like-minded local religious community is the most important aspect of finding a good spiritual home. Worship and sacraments — and the traditions they represent — often rank slightly behind, but they become more significant as people get older.

Overall, while these thirtysomethings are becoming settled in some parts of their lives, many are still trying to learn more about themselves and their faith. They have a world of options, and there isn't much they won't consider.

Whether sticking with comfort and tradition, growing their spirit with different nourishment or trying a combination of ideas, this generation makes decisions by doing more than wading into life — they plunge right in to the deep end.